Length: One shot (~4 k)
Summary: Kevin wakes up for a glass of water and on his way, he finds AJ's diary. Of course, he reads it.
["AJ, please don't leave me."]
The voice was unexpected and thick with sleep. Leave it to AJ to pick the literal worst moment to wake up. Kevin cursed under his breath as he turned away from the deep voice. He tried to revel in the peace of the moment, knowing that it would only get more awkward as AJ came to.
AJ rubbed his eyes and sat up straighter. He turned to Kevin with a small stretch of his fingers. His hair stuck out in all directions, messy black spikes and bizarre curls.
When he saw the treasured notebook in Kevin’s hands, he froze mid-stretch, a muscle twitching in his toned arm. Kevin’s stomach dropped as he watched several nameless emotions pass over AJ’s face.
“I--I’m sorry,” Kevin started, sniffling as he tried to regain his composure, “I was just getting some water and I--saw the notebook--”
AJ stood up abruptly, his mouth pursed in a strict line. He put his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. He looked exhausted.
Exhausted and furious.
“AJ, I’m sorry,” Kevin said quietly. He felt nervousness unfolding in the pits of his stomach. He saw smoldering anger in AJ’s dark eyes and wanted nothing more than for the tense atmosphere to evaporate.
“Kevin, that is my notebook,” he said with dangerous calmness. His words were light and matter-of fact, but that didn’t make them any less frightening as they tumbled out of the usually good-natured man.
“Kevin, why is it that you don’t understand the concept of ‘mine?’” AJ huffed, pacing the kitchen. “You take my things all the time. All the fucking time.”
Kevin winced at the cutting words, a few more fat tears rolling down his face. “I’m really sorry.”
“That’s my sweater, too,” AJ laughed. He rubbed his face with his calloused hands, peeking at Kevin with a tired smile. “Unbelievable.”
The room was silent for several moments as AJ appraised Kevin with extreme irritation. Kevin shrank into the sweater that did indeed belong to AJ. It was one of his favorites. The blue cotton sleeves ran down past his fingers, engulfing him in a warm embrace. It used to smell like AJ, that clean rain smell, but now it didn’t smell like anything to Kevin.
“Did you read the current entry?” AJ said clearly, cracking one eye. The words jogged Kevin from his thoughts almost aggressively. AJ’s mouth twisted bitterly, almost in disgust.
Kevin shook his head dumbly. The latest entry? He hadn’t gotten there yet.
“Thank god,” AJ smiled, letting out a relieved sigh. He slumped back against the refrigerator in defeat. “It’s not ready yet.”
“A song?” Kevin inquired, twisting his hands nervously. He wasn’t sure if he was in trouble yet. “I see.”
AJ shook his head in amusement and took his seat again. Kevin met his eyes for several moments, asking for forgiveness. AJ glared at him in return, but as the time passed, his eyes started to soften and weaken until finally he sighed and looked down.
“Jesus, Kevin, you know I can’t stay mad at you.”
Kevin exhaled a breath he hadn’t known he had been holding. He smiled despite himself. They made eye contact again, silently conversing. After more time passed, AJ piped up again.
“Is my diary so embarrassing that it made you cry?” AJ asked, changing topics. He wasn’t quite lucid; his words were still slightly slurred. He yawned loud and long, turning his wet, tired eyes to Kevin.
“No,” Kevin let out something between a chuckle and a sob. “That’s not it.”
AJ propped his head on one hand. “What is it, then?”
Kevin felt the tears begin to slow down as he stared at the man he had pushed away for so long. AJ was looking at him patiently, a smile evident in his eyes.
Kevin took a deep breath and slid his chair closer to AJ. With great trepidation, he leaned in and pressed a butterfly kiss to the side of AJ’s mouth. He heard the other’s breath catch in his throat as he tried to comprehend what Kevin was doing.
“Kevin, what...?” AJ scooted away to get a better look at the thinner man. “Is everything okay?”
Kevin bit his lip impatiently. No, everything was not okay. Grabbing AJ’s face thoughtfully, he wondered vaguely if he would regret this in the morning. Part of him hoped he wouldn’t even remember it well enough to regret it.
Lowering AJ’s face to his, he pressed their lips together in a firm kiss. AJ was frozen for a heartbeat, but he soon took Kevin’s hair in his hands, winding it between his fingers lovingly. The touch was electric, sending sleepy sparks through them.
Several feelings passed through Kevin--this was his first kiss that hadn’t been staged. And it was with the person he had spent almost all of his time avoiding. Pressing into AJ with more hunger, he felt like he was drowning in a nearly numb whirlwind of feelings. AJ moved slowly, yielding to Kevin’s slightest cues.
“Kevin,” AJ finally said, pulling away, “You’ve got to tell me what this is about.”
Kevin considered the request carefully, taking in AJ’s concerned face, his eyebrows knitted in confusion. He didn’t know how to put it delicately or make it seem less dumb than it was.
“I don’t want to push you away anymore,” Kevin said with a few shaky breaths. AJ eyed the notebook suspiciously.
“Is it about that?” AJ jerked his head in its direction, questions written on his face. Kevin looked at AJ through his half-lidded eyes, sleep tugging them closed.
“Sort of,” Kevin admitted. Seeing AJ’s skeptical expression, Kevin tried to elaborate. “AJ, for as long as I can remember, you’ve made me uncomfortable. You loved me so much and it was so obvious.”
He looked up to check to see what AJ thought of that comment. He nodded at it immediately, almost enthusiastically.
“From the very start, you’ve made me so nervous. You look at me like I’m an angel, like I’m perfect or something. It’s so scary...I’m not perfect, not at all. I wanted you close to me, but I wanted you to get away from me, it was a lot like that definition you wrote,” Kevin looked at the book, struggling to remember what it was called. AJ laughed softly.
“The approach-avoidance conflict,” he said. “You read that?”
Kevin wiped his nose and nodded. Leaning in, AJ locked eyes with the younger man.
“What do you want from me?” his eyes were intense, boring into Kevin with the exact same type of intensity that had caused him to flee from AJ so many times.
Gripping the front of AJ’s shirt, Kevin pulled him close.
“AJ, please don’t leave me.”
He heard AJ’s heart skip a beat as he weighed the words. Kevin swallowed the hesitation in his throat, continuing with his next words.
“I need you.” Kevin suddenly lost the ability to respire, instead staring at AJ with eyes wider than saucers as he realized what he had said. The words were out there, unable to be sucked back up or denied. They floated out into the room, entering AJ’s foggy mind and bringing a huge smile to his face.
Before Kevin had the opportunity to take it back or run away, AJ pulled the singer’s face back up, trapping him in a forceful and less controlled kiss than before. It made Kevin feel light-headed and he almost wanted to laugh at how absurd the whole situation was. It was intoxicating, unexpected and desperate, communicating two years worth of agony and hope.
“Kevin Woo,” AJ growled into the kiss, “You sure took your sweet fucking time, didn’t you?”
Kevin couldn’t help but smile against AJ’s lips; he wasn’t sure what he had been running from for so long, but it seemed stupid. He felt comfortable and peaceful for the first time in months, trapped in the embrace of somebody he constantly berated.
Kevin broke the kiss and nestled into AJ’s safe chest. He smiled up at his new lover, his eyes glazed over with trust, affection, and moderate guilt. AJ held him, rocking him back and forth slowly. They both felt drunk with sleep deprivation and infatuation. Neither was certain of what this was or what it meant, but they didn’t particularly care. It could wait until the morning. In the meantime, Kevin fell asleep within moments, and AJ carried him back to his room, lying him on the bed.
Kissing his forehead tenderly, AJ turned to leave, but Kevin grabbed his wrist to stop him. He shook his head.
“No,” he protested with a yawn, “Stay with me.”
AJ chuckled and slid into bed next to Kevin. The sun was rising and the teasing pale light was beginning to leak in from outside. The clock told the pair that it was already 5: 09 AM.
AJ slid the diary on the floor, feeling suddenly silly for relying on it so much. He snuggled in close to the man that he had wanted for so long, sliding his hand timidly into Kevin’s. Hands intertwined, they fell asleep like children in a storybook, completely content for the first time in what felt like an eternity.